Wishing and waiting….

Do you remember these from when you were a kid.  We always called them fairies.  This summer we had a lot of “wishing fairies” at our house.  I taught Liam to find them, make a wish and blow them away.

 

 I am a chronic planner.  I figure out how I want things to go, then try to make it happen.  The problem is, in reality I don’t have the ultimate control.  After Frank and I got married we decided to enjoy married life together for a year before we even thought about babies.  Well, the one year mark came and we felt ready to start a family.  We were extremely lucky.  In just 2 months we got the exciting news that we were expecting.  Liam’s pregnancy and delivery was relatively uncomplicated.   I remember being wheeled from my labor room to the post partum room and thinking, “Ok, I could do this again.  That wasn’t bad at all.”  Life with Liam is a joy.  He is so much fun and has brought so much love into our home.  Both Frank and I have grown into better people.  When Liam was a year old, we decided that it was time to start trying for baby number 2.  I fully expected it to be as easy as it was the first time.  I had a plan after all!  Month after month, my emotions got the better of me. The hope that this would be the month, the disappointment when it wasn’t, and then the anger.  I was often angry at everyone.  Myself, my poor Frank, even God.  How could this be taking so long.  How could that righteous desire be left unfulfilled.  I think what made it more difficult was going to work and seeing the babies in the NICU.  These babies were often the product of very unstable relationships, often unwanted, with parents that had little to no means to care for them.  I just had a hard time rationalizing one of these precious NICU babies going to a home where they may not be cared for as well as a child in my home.  How did this work?  How could the baby that we so wanted, prepared for and would love unconditionally be kept from us?  I didn’t understand.  I had long talks with Frank.  His faith never wavered.  He knew that our family was not yet complete.  It was just not the right time.  Test after test, we were reassured by the doctors that everything was fine.  It would just take time.  And so this summer, after nearly 2 years of trying, Liam would gently pick up a wishing fairy and wish for a baby.  It nearly broke my heart each time he did it.  I think since he had heard our pleas for a baby in our family prayers night after night, he just thought he’d wish for one too.  I had actually come to a sense of peace.  We had Liam. I know of many others who struggle to conceive just once.  I realized my many blessings and I was indeed grateful. I had accepted that we may be a family of just three.  There is certainly much worse things than that! That is why I was shocked when I got a positive test in August.  I didn’t even test until late, I was sure it was just my body being weird.  But I was wrong.  That baby we so desired, is now on the way!  This pregnancy has been nothing like Liam’s.  In fact it has been laden with discomfort and a lot of fear on my part.  Again, Frank is confident that everything is fine.  I often cling to that.  But we keep chugging along, day after day. Each day, a day closer to the goal of completing our family.  I am so excited to meet this little one. So excited to see if it’s a boy or girl!  So excited to see how much it looks like Liam! 

My testimony of prayer has grown.  I know that my Heavenly Father hears my prayers.  He loves me and wants to bless me.  And I know, that he will bless me (and our family) to get to the end of this pregnancy and welcome the baby that will complete our family.  I know I am blessed and I will have faith that He will watch over us.  I can’t wait to meet this little one.  April seems so far away!

Baby is looking towards us.  See those little feet and toes up in the upper left? Cute!

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